IWSG or Your Captain: The Insecured

I always wanted to participate in the grand work of the Insecure Writer Support Group since I am an insecure writer by nature, seriously people, if there is a test for that I will pathetically pass with flying flags. I loved how each month various writers come together to flash that pretty badge and open up about their fears and doubts.

last year, when I started blogging, it was a new territory for me and I didn't wanted to push myself too hard and be part of something that demanded such a strong commitment and then, well, lose miserably, cause that’s what mostly happens with me. But I decided to be brave and participate this year, no matter how this ends I will come out a winner. It’s an honor to be part of this quite caring, sensitive and growing community.

Something extra: they have a lighthouse on their badge, and ya all know what a sucker I am for lighthouses ;)

Here goes nothing. Whatever plans I had for January, backfired. 

Why O Wise One you ask me?

I tell you, I decided to stop any writing activity to focus on my MA research. I needed every minute possible for my academics and writing didn't fit in that schedule (or so I thought). My writing plans included starting a new project on April ( a novel in Arabic that I want to submit to a contest), and at the same time work on finishing my manuscript from NaNoWriMo (The League), I kindda lost my fire after November, therefore, I set it aside. And of course there will be a different project for NaNoWriMo that I can’t wait to indulge in.

Except!

Everything went wrong, you see, it appears that, and what I came to realize afterwards, I’ve been writing for a long time, since 2009 when I first decided to write seriously, that not writing at all was no longer an option!

Funny huh? I lost my ability to concentrate and produce anything good in my research it was a huge set back, I just wasted my time going in circles and circles and depression caught up with me pretty early this year that it even terrified me.

now you might just say to me,

Come now Captain;

 Isn’t this your state of mind most of the year?

i.e.

 OCDish, Anxious,  depressed!

Well yes, yes I confess to all this.

I do suffer from other troubles that turn me into a useless monkey mind zombie every now and then (if such a high degree of chaotic mind activity is even possible for a zombie) yet what makes this theory stand the test is that once I took the decision to open the league manuscript and commit to one line a day (one of my many experiments that helped me finish Nights) everything else fell into place and I found the strength and clarity to function as a human being again.

Cut to the cheese Captain!

Alright! alright, the moral of this story is:

Insecure writer I may be

But a factory that produce insecurity when not writing

 I am.

I now inform you that Yoda applauds this sentence structure

I’m a writer, that’s my truth. Period. February...you wait and see ;)