WIPs update

State Of Day. My aunt is staying with us for a couple of days, but she’s not alone…..she brought her five months baby Ahmad with her….since I LOVE babies I’m conducting a lot of evil experiments on the little clueless adorable creature Muhahahahaha.

On a different subject; Ikhlas Hussain in It’s been a while & Change is good? decided to tell us more about her life and introduced us to her new blog design (which I love); I find this very interesting cause she’s a GOOD blogger and between her informing book reviews and food recipes learning more about her life and writing is the best treat to her readers, and for that I say “Go Girl!”

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Totally know how you feel Sonoko

I decided to do an update post…because well I’m not pleased. Here I am at the beginning of March and last month I achieved absolutely nothing!

I don’t understand? I know that when I do a lot of work in a short period I burn myself down and need a break to produce again, I know that about myself, but…but..I also LOVE revisions, I find revising a fun activity. But this time I seem like running completely out of elixir, I couldn’t even look at the draft of Ad & Jo, save a few times.

And my big WIP you’re asking? I got myself cornered where everything in my draft makes no sense what so ever, I know that questioning one work is normal, and one needs to finish her work first then worry about other stuff but you know what? There is a thing that has been nagging on my shoulder for a while now and It’s time to once and for all ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!!

-And since I’m sure this isn’t ONLY an Anxiety side affect-

I AM NOT A CHAOTIC FIRST DRAFTEEEEEER.

Here I said it, out load enough for me not to make the same mistake ever again.

You see; when I was a young girl who loved writing and drawing her own stories more than any other activity in the world, in small rooms with annoying brothers, then with an annoying young sister (who is still there by the way) I used to write in Arabic, that on its own made things quite different, I was also writing Fantasy, i.e. I did my very own world building. 

I’m a perfectionist so all what I wrote was right from the beginning very good, it only needed some tweaking here and there and Wallah! A beautiful clean manuscript (not perfect of course), this went on till my first year in college. I used to edit as I go.

Then I decided to write my first serious novel in English, a story taking place in the 19nth century England, with so many characters from very different other places in the world.

The reason I didn’t finish my earlier manuscripts was a combination of the well known; lack of productive outlining, short attention span, considering my work is crap so I jump into the next thrilling, deeper project, etc..the things most beginners go through.

Now some of these things are still here, not strong enough to stop me but they still attack my house of glass with a rock or two every now and then. 

When I began my novel I made my outline, a very poor outline that kept changing drastically, an outline with a beginning and end and absolutely NO middle, this alone killed my speed, and a snail would have been faster (from 2009 see what I mean?)

An extra bump in the road. although the generous time I spent with them I still had to face the truth that my characters were never fleshed out enough, the way they kept doing things out of character puzzled me to a frustrating degree. 

O My!

And the language?

The research you say?

It is still a historical after all right?

Well considering this subject I stuffed tons of things, yes, along the way of writing I collected huge info in files, it is even safe to say everything the novel needed, but that’s the thing! I didn’t read but a small amount of that stuff, I just kept feeding those files till it grew to an oversized giant that I’m now completely intimidated to open.

At the beginning of this journey I found the tip saying that you should complete the first draft then deal with all the MASSIVE errors afterwards. I liked it, telling myself perhaps that was the reason I never finished anything before and now I should jump right in, then deal with the wreckage later. I was also terrified I will get caught up in research and never do the actual work (which I’m very famous of).

God only knows about the amount of outside-of-manuscript writing I did for this novel it's like huge. I still do because this is how I work, but nothing seems to be enough, it took me years to solve some plot lines in this book and to actually come up with others.

I mean I even began outlining backwards to make this thing work! And hear I am still stuck with a horribly written manuscript, with plot holes in the size of Black holes, and filled with shameful errors, an over the top amount of repeated words my brain denied any attempt of finding synonyms for…and the language is....

pretty

much

modern

which is
a BOMPSHELL!!! Shoot me, shoot me please, somebody? That’s the problem with second languages.

The truth is languages have nothing to do with it, it's my grasp on the language and my preparations, my preparations for the novel regardless of everything I did were apparently not good enough. I always wished I could learn five different languages and write with all of them, yea I agrea a little bet dreamy but not impossible, anyway, the thing is I love writing with what I got right now; English & Arabic, and I want to improve myself in both; but also because I really want to finish 3 books this year I'm considering my next WIP be in Arabic, this will make me work faster so that win NaNoWriMo comes by I would be ready for my third project. that's the plan, still sounds dreamy for the Queen of procstrastination but..eh..I hope it works. All of this of course might have a hope of actauly taking place only in case I managed to complete Nights.

O well, too late to make things perfect now, I’ll record this experience in my brain archive as "lesson learned". This manuscript needs to be finished then fixed, rewritten probably (shudder). Next time insha’allah I will do it the old way, do a finer research, a much better detailed outline, not very detailed cause I can’t -and won’t- do that but at least one that has an actual middle. And of course make sure to NOT burn myself completely, I need my elixir to do the work, instead of pumping all the water in brake-nick speed then waist whole month doing nothing, if it makes any sense.This of course works with Short stories too, my story is so weirdly flawed I just can’t get myself to look at it.

I write good (not perfect of course) first drafts, that is me and there is no avoiding this fact, as hard as it sounds this is who I am as a writer, and I perfectly understand what LainiTaylor said on her blog, she happens to go through the same pain.

Something else? well I guess I need not to be so hard on myself and accept that I'm still a beginner and making such mistakes is all part of the process of learning and improving my writing, after all we all strive to become the best writer version of ourselves, no? I also need to remind myself constantly that my title for this year is Flexibility.

We writers know writing is hard work. Like a really difficult, tooth-pulling, emotionally draining, mind controlling and craziness causing task. But also it is so fulfilling, relieving and noble, it makes us happy, provide us with the rush for the day, and puts a stupid smile on our faces that lasts for days and days, it’s worth all the trouble, worth the while, and although I’m serious in seeking my mental safety I know that by quitting writing all together I will be officially permitting myself to a mental asylum. 

Thank you…er..I honesty have no idea how to end this post…O! I know!

Amaze you Later Muahahahaha!